This post has been written earlier but scheduled to post today. When you're reading this, I would be in a car with a friend I have high respect for, on my way to Pottsville in New South Wales.
It's actually hard to accept that I have been graduated for a year. It seems like just yesterday I walked up the stage at the Convention Centre. It felt like I moved here to beautiful Brisbane just about a week ago, but I've been here for an amazing 9 months now.
Wow.
Of course, its hard to imagine that you guys have been with me for 3 months already. Its about to come to an epic end. It's been a whirlwind year. I went from being in debt and unemployed after packing my stuff and move up to Queensland just because I can without much planning, to being able to pay for my postgraduate tuition fee from my 6 months savings. I think every year, I outdo myself in many ways. Of course, it has not been an easy year - I doubted myself, felt like a failure and questioned my own abilities and place in the world on more than 1 occasion. But reflecting upon the year that was, I have actually achieved more than I have in every aspects of my life that I deem important, in comparison to last year.
For the world: I have kept to my promise to myself to sign up to regular giving and give 10% of all of my salary back to charity. I've also made my first loan to an entrepreneur in Uganda and I cannot wait for her to get her business started! I have also donated all the consultation fee I have made through my odd jobs and I think I have reached out to as many people as I humanely possible. I honestly, do think that I could have done more, but I think that I have done my very best. Perhaps, something for me to improve in the new year.
For my love ones: I continue to send my quarterly email updates to my family and close friends. I call my close friends in Adelaide once every two weeks and I visit month about once every 3 months. I still call my mum every month, even though it peeves me that she never call me... at all! Gee.. I gave a few surprises of their lives to a few friends, and I celebrated their lives with them and I think I have done the best I can in ensuring everyone feels special and unique. I have also created jobs and linked people to jobs when they needed it. I know I could have done better on many fronts and I hate to apologise but I have done so in the past few months and that is a good sign of failure.
For myself: I have kept myself generally happy for the entire year, which is one of my dreams but I must say when I was diagnosed with psychological stress during my viral infection, that did affect me quite badly. Otherwise, I think I am doing good which is important, so I think that's good. I have also been feeling more and more comfortable with my sexuality and haven't verbally denied anything when asked.
I know there are many more things I could do but I am working really hard on it. When it comes to myself, its hard for me to just change.
***
I hate liars. I have an extreme aversion for liars. I would much rather people be honest with me even if it hurts and its so bad its become a paranoia. Even if its just a small lie or a white lie, it gets me really disappointed and as bad as it is, sometimes I think that people should make a better effort at being honest and genuine.
So, today I've been thinking about a few foolish decisions I've made over the past few weeks, and its landed me in situations where I have allow people to take advantage of me and that suck balls.
***
Over the past 3 months, it has been nothing but amazing and its been absolutely wonderful getting to know some of you. So, instead of writing personal emails, I'm going to do a public display of affection. In no particular order, except alphabetically:
Aek, the busy doctor. It's always nice to read your weekly updates because it makes me miss the times I spent in the hospitals during my undergraduate years. Your stories of cadavers always remind me of my body system's pracs, except obviously, we go into less details as you guys do.
Brett: I've told you before, but I genuinely think that you are one of the nicest guys I know. Except when you bully me, bitch. You have a real heart of gold when it comes to people around you and I do genuinely hope that you actually realise how good you are. You are like my little brother - someone I can bully. :P But at the same time, I love you to bits and I really do see a very bright future for you - I just hope that along the way, no one actually corrupts you or delusioned you into doubting yourself. Keeps your heart warm and head cool - and change the world. :) I believe in you, whole-heartedly.
Biki, you are an incredible woman with a heart of gold, and a mum everyone wants. Your compassionate heart and open mind makes you a very unique individual who deserves respect and lots of love from people around you. Your generosity always inspire me and to be really frank, you're an overall incredible woman.
bold, I miss chatting with you and your blog posts. I am sorry that you broke up recently, but I am happy that you are actually happy. There is no need for a relationship to be happy and the way you handle the whole situation is very admirable and makes me smile with pride - I know, weird, but it makes me happy to see people grow!
Brody the geeky emo biochemist whose blog I was once addicted to! Not anymore because you haven't updated in a gazillion years - since the dinosaur roams the street! :P Your clarity, awesomeness and writing and unique self makes you very unique and obviously, I became a fan of your blog!
Courage: You are another young man whom I see incredible potential in. You are not ignorant on social issues going around you, and your blog was one of the first blogs I read... silently. There is an honesty and modesty to the way you write. And well, personally, you're just an all-around awesome guy! You make me laugh so hard, and I am glad that we're on the same line when around a creep. You get what I mean. Haha. You're probably one of the friendliest guy I know!
For My Sake, where do I even start? Your eloquence and ability to string together words to make an impact on people is just amazing! I always look forward to reading your blog whenever you update - but more importantly is the replies that I get from you everytime I leave a comment - you always have something wise, witty or interesting to say!
Dave, I don't even know where to start but basically, clearly, you are well-loved by the entire blog community. The amount of love and attention you receive is the testimony to the person you are, and there is no doubt in my mind that you will find someone who loves u just as much as you love the person. I just hope that you don't get carried away with the whole fame thing. The rest I would tell you in private.
Dean, I hope that through these adversities you also realise just the amount of determination and perseverance you have. And the strength that you are capable of. You dedicate a good part of your time for others, making others feel loved and happy, I truly, genuinely believe that you deserve every single inch of happiness there is. And please doing what you do and be the best you can be because I find you very uniquely interesting and I love what you do.
Dzyan, we have kinda lost touch for a bit, but your achievements is a good sign of the things you are capable of. Think beyond what you don't have and be thankful of what you already have. Always keep your heart warm and head cool. :) And be the best you can be, because you are slowly changing the world in your own ways.
Ethan: Kiddo, I always think of a cute-sy little fluffy ball when I think about you. Your energy and love for the world makes you absolutely adorable and loveable. You genuineness and honesty is really admirable, and that's one of the things I absolutely love about you. :) There is no hiding behind the bushes, you tell it as it is even if it means you didn't like it.
For My Sake, where do I even start? Your eloquence and ability to string together words to make an impact on people is just amazing! I always look forward to reading your blog whenever you update - but more importantly is the replies that I get from you everytime I leave a comment - you always have something wise, witty or interesting to say!
James, I haven't spoken to you in ages and my heart aches everytime I read about your pessimism. You are an all-around nice guy and I have told you this a million times and I know you've probably been told that from everyone you know. There are so many things I would like to tell you, and I *so* wish I have a magic wand to help you, or to help you find another therapist who actually works.
Justin from Guy From Chicago - I doubt you ever read my blog but I love your blog and reading what you get up to. You write in such details, in such little words its amazing and it really paints a good picture of what your life looks like! And also you're just such a nice guy. :)
Forsaken/Tyler, I sent you a long email and genuinely mean what I said in the email. I hope things change for you and I really, really, *really* hope that you are able to look into yourself and find the hero in you - as cheesy as that sounds.
Kayess: I have a lot to tell you and a lot to talk about you as well. When I first invited you to be a guest blogger, it wasn't so much because I needed someone to guest blog but because I see the potential in you. I know that you admire me a lot for my achievements and intelligence, and with that, here I am telling you that you are at least as capable and intelligent as I am. Your posts are testimonies to the amount of cleverness you are capable of. I have no doubt, whatsoever at all, that you are going to achieve a lot of amazing things in time to come, and like Brett, you are like a little brother to me, whom I really want to incubate into a leader and an inspiring young man.
Landyn, your email leaves an inspiring indent in my life. I don't think you'll ever read this because I doubt you read my blog, but I've told you in the blog and the email I sent you - you have a heart of gold and its unfair you have to go through such shit but in the long run, this is all going to be worth it. You will come out on the other end stronger than you were and a better person. Your strength, determination and courage blows my mind.
Lee, oh Lee, where do I even start. Fuck nuts. You exude an aura of love and acceptance to everyone around you whether virtually or physically. Your generosity in giving out love to people is absolutely admirable and you make me laugh all the time. But most importantly, you owe me a good big breakfast when I come visit - hopefully in April! :)
LonelyBoy, I doubt you'll ever read this but if you do, I hope that you look beyond the ideal life that everyone seems to have and actually think about the number of adversities you have gone through. And all the time you made it through, it always involve you making a hard decision to step out of your comfort zone. Next time, you reach somewhere difficult again, think of the things you are able to change before giving up. You are more capable than you think you are, and I honestly believe that.
Nic, you never fail to make me laugh everytime we talk. You're just a very cheerful, bubbly kid who actually understands my sense of humour and someone that is genuine and honest about your opinions and thoughts. That makes you very respectable, to me personally. Your compassion and love for others really blows my mind!
Octavius, you chilled and laid back person! Everytime I think of you, I think about the very good taste in music you have - we have such similar taste in music its awesome! And thus, I think you're awesome. :P But also you're just such a laid-back nice guy whose always up for a chat, always have something interesting to share and you are so very generous in fostering a good friendship with anyone.
Ron, well what can I say about you - you are literally a friend whose always there. Your willingness to accept challenges from me makes me appreciate and love you a lot. I do hope you didn't stop at one challenge, but go on to do more things because I think you are a very smart guy being blanketed by a dark cloud over you. But its not really that bad, and I do hope someone will come along and blow those clouds away. I can only imagine good things for you, Ron - I really do.
Torchyboy, oh you Cheekyboy. You're a very respectable person with very good diplomatic skill! You handle tough situations really well, and your writing captures people. But most of all, you actually are very genuine and you are so generous with people around you - always kind, compassionate and nice.
Tyler from tyblog - you are an incredibly nice person with so much wisdom and experiences. It just makes you more interesting than you already are! :) And it doesn't even discount the fact that you are such a laid-back, true blue, nice Aussie! I wish that I can have a beer or two with you some day!
Winter, you are a boy with a dream. I hope you don't give up on your dream because to say that you are talented is almost an understatement. Times to get tough and I cannot promise you that things get any easier in the short-term but I can promise you that perseverance is rewarding at the end. I am a result of that.
***
To all my readers and everyone I listed above, and all the bloggers I have a lot of respect and love, have a very beautiful Christmas and I wish the only the best for the coming new year. Take a stock check every once in a while and be thankful for what you have. It's ok to moan and complain but at the end of the day, be appreciative of living and everything around you. Make the most of today.
Thanks for the love over the months. Thank you
so much.
I apologise for any misunderstanding, or if I have offended you in a way or another. I truly am sorry.
So, this has been a rather difficult decision, but I haven't made a decision to come back to blog world in the New Year. I might come back to blogging, but that is not set in stone. This is going to be my last post for the year and potentially a long, long time to come.
It's not easy quitting blogging, but I have been giving it quite some thought about it and its scary some of the vulnerable situations I have put myself in. Nevertheless, through this blog I have encountered some truly amazing individuals like all I listed above, and met some truly capable beings like For My Sake, and especially Brett and Kayess whom I am very excited about - I really cannot wait to see these two boys shine.
For the last time, for a very, very long time, lots and lots of love from me to you. Say hi to your mum for me and have a jolly good time.
This is the club we went to - its called Family.
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