I'm writing this from my mobile at the bus stop waiting for the bus. The sun overcast by the dark looming clouds. On days like these, try as you might, the dark clouds win. Gentle drops of rain tapping on my exposed skin. The smell of rain brings my memory back to home, giving me a sense of familiarity. The slow gush of wind caressing my skin leaving me with a sense of serenity.
I grew up with the rain. Or maybe the rain grew up with me.
As calm as it seems on the outside, the invisible storm could be brewing inside. Like the seemingly calm surface of the lake unbeknownst to us the depth of it. Illuminating the chaos attracts more than a visible storm.
Sometimes I question my own sanity for accepting things without putting much thought into my capabilities. Although up until now, I've impressed myself for pulling everything off but I wonder how much more before I hit a brickwall. I don't see and definitely don't understand the undeserving (at times I felt, patronising) compliments and trust everyone throws on me.
Today, I feel a bubble of overwhelmingness wraps around me. A very familiar feeling of loneliness I have not felt in a very long time. A sense of redundantness.
The rain's stopped but the clouds still loom. Maybe the rain was a temporary comfort, like all things, never permanent. A convincing deception just like everything else in this world. What makes you think you deserve it in the first place.