Saturday, October 10, 2009

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be Happy

Tonight I was told a story. The story goes that a mum told his little boy that the key to life is happiness. So, when he was old enough to go to school, the teacher asked them to write down what they wanted to be when they grow up. He wrote, "... to be happy". They said he didn't understand the assignment. He said, they didn't understand life.

Photo credit: conorwithonen

That is quite the very true of my life right now. I traded scalpel, latex gloves and microscopes for computers and documents. And then went into a whole new sphere called social entrepreneurship, and later social innovation which no one understood. In the end, no one understood what I'm doing with my life. But that's OK.

I am happy.

One day, I'll elaborate on what I do.

***

A wise owl sent some of you here so welcome to the love shack my humble little crib. Grab a seat, make yourself comfortable while I get ready some dingo meat for tea - well, according to David we Aussies hunt down dingoes apparently.

By the way, we ride emus to work and use kangaroos to pull our carts too.

Thanks Octavius and bold for the comments and follow!

***

I don't reply to comments because I know quite often, I ask a question in comment(s) and I don't go back to check for the reply, so in case that happens, I thought rather than wasting my intelligence effort and time to reply in comments, I'll randomly pick a question or theme from comments of the previous entry as an inspiration of my new entry. Remember in my first post, I said this blog will form a part of my identity and I invited you guys to become part of this identity of mine, so this is how you guys contribute!

So I picked 'expectations' to write about because mrgagaa asks about my family's expectations of me. To answer your question, mrgagaa, my family never tell me about how they feel about me living so far away. They don't oppose to it nor do they support it I reckon. My mum once told me that as long as I know where my roots are, however big, strong, mighty and majestic I grow on the surface, she's happy for me.

My parents do not really have any expectations for me, really. Well, not anymore, anyway. They used to have advices and suggestions but when I reached puberty, they soon realised that I was different from other kids - instead of giving me the direction, I'd rather run on my own, take the roads least or most taken and do things the way I think it should be done. My parents are well aware that I don't do risky business, I do calculated risks. I am lucky in that way.

***

Now onto a more broader, general theme of 'expectations'.

I was having a conversation this morning with another blogger who, I am not sure if he feels comfortable for me to link/identify who he is.

We eventually started talking about our physical appearance and he commented about him being fat, labelled himself as a "giant" and spoke about every imperfection he has.

I understand that its quite common for many of us to do that and I have to admit even in my everyday life, I do give a 2 seconds judgements of someone's appearance but before it even registers in my mind, I'd brush off those thoughts.

Its not uncommon for us to have insecurities, because we're brought up in an era where we try our hardest to live up to the expectations of our parents, our brothers and sisters, our friends, people around us and far away from us, and most of all, the media. You know, we want to have the ideal skin, the ideal height, the ideal figure and the ideal *cough* penis size. If we don't have Zac Efron's hair, Brad Pitt's eyes, a six-pack, muscular attributes and 8 inch cock, we're not "hot".

Maybe not 8 inch cock but you know what I'm saying.

I, on the other hand, has a weird obsession for really minor imperfections (e.g. an eye brow that's higher than the other, an ear that sticks out just a little bit).

Ok, not that it's relevant but you know, just for your information. :P

I do have my imperfections as well. Speak to Dave and he'll tell you all the imperfections I see on me - too thin, no body hair except pubics, I have one tooth that's slightly crooked, acne scar, Asian eyes, dry skin, I'm pretty short and skinny. That's the condensed version of it. Hehe.

Talking to this blogger today, I understand where he's coming from, because like him, I have my own personal insecurities and imperfections too. However, I also do realised that I am more than what's on the surface. I acknowledge the fact that I am compassionate and I embrace humanity for what they are. I respect and honour our individual differences and similarities. I don't know my height to the dot, I know I'm about 5'6", I don't know my actual weight, I never measured my penis size and as much as I hate my dry skin, I am still too lazy to apply any form of lotion. I believe most of my imperfections were brought on by myself.

Yes, its easy for us to judge a person on their looks and to love someone on their looks. Some of us might think that its shallow, but hey, you know, this is what many of us do. Many of us go for someone we barely know based on their looks and the surface personality that they show us. The sparkly gently rippling surface, disillusioning our judgments, yet we happily sail on the surface until our boat eventually sink.

It's also easy for us to not love ourselves for how we look or how we think we are perceived as. Where we perceive we stand in the society's expectations of good looking people.

I know I am a bit weird and not one of those 'normal' guys. In my post, "Love What Is", I spoke about how I am one who'd rather get to know someone first and fall in love later. Whatever comes with them, comes in the package I signed up for - this includes the gender, the size, shape, colour and... all those detailed perfections and imperfections. Regardless of how someone looks, that person is still capable of loving. I know I am not perfect, nor am I anywhere near - besides, I am a major minority in this country. I do not measure the amount of people I have dated as my ability to love.

I know I have the ability to love. My ability to love, to understand and to accept extend beyond what's on my skin and the amount of fat (or lack thereof) underneath it.

Think of the amount of times you doubted yourself because you think you lack something, or if you're not "one of them" - how much did it frustrates you being not one of those stereotypically attractive, good-looking, popular person? And if we want to eradicate this stereotyping, we ourselves need to embrace ourselves as we are and look at people beyond their looks.

Expectations are aplenty and they're everywhere, but if we stick to expectations, the world will never change. We need people to create the ripple and change, going against the status quo. Expectations can be good but with expectations, there either come celebrations or disappointments. I don't know where I'm going with this but I'm going to stop here.

Love yourself. Take out some lube and tissue and ... no, actually, not that kind of self-love but appreciate the person you see on the mirror. He's the only one, who, at the end of the day, is going to stick around and allow you to function.

***

Random fact: I wear an anklet. I've had one for about a year - this is my second one. The first one broke.

7 comments:

Octavius said...

Good post mate. I enjoyed that immensely, and I agree with you totally.

Courage and Honour!

Octavius.

mrgagaa said...

I enjoyed reading your ideas on expectations and reaching "the ideal." It's so hard to let go of the world's expectations and concept of perfection, but the reality is that everyone has imperfections, either inside or out. And what I have found to be case (though not always, of course) is that people with "perfections" on the outside often have plenty of imperfections on the inside, and vice versa. I guess life has a way of balancing things out for all of us.

James said...

For the record, Asian eyes are the most beautiful eyes in the world, and I won't hear a word to the contrary. ;)

Brett said...

I have to say you have a beautiful writing style - in fact, it's almost intimidating ;)

Rather than dislike myself because of the labels I carry, I dislike the fact I label myself in the first place. The truth being I hate labels, yet I persistently label myself. I can't help it, it's just something that's become part of me.

I don't think I've been burdened with expectations from my family, but the ones I put upon myself are the ones that I have trouble with. I can never quite live up to my own standards.

I am my own worst enemy. I can put on a face for the sake of those around me, but I can't ever hide what's wrong from myself.

I hope you do elaborate on what you do.

Having been in a terrible mood, this post managed to cheer me up. Thankyou.

Dave83201 said...

Your posts get better and better! You are able to reach that level of heartbreaking honesty we all strive for, but are too afraid to commit to completely.

Oh and anklets are way sexy! ;)

Winter said...

on with the anklets, i think i will start wearing one too! and yupp, its sexy ><

Aek said...

:-)

What's wrong with Asian eyes? I use lotion because dry skin is uncomfy. >.<

Anyway, great post and I think you're just fine the way you are. :-D

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