So, in my previous post on Chicago, I mentioned that there was a delegate from Europe who was my housemate throughout the conference. Let's call him Nathan. He came on the second day and my first impression was, he's goddamn flippin' cute! He was one of the cutest guys at the conference. Second impression, he's a charmer. He's very smooth talking. He attracts everyone around him with his wit and stunning look. He has no problem with the ladies, I can tell you. He has messy dirty blond hair and is very much like a hippie surfer. It's hard not to feel attracted to him. It's funny that we both clicked after a few hours of meeting each other. It was easy talking and hanging out with him, even when talking about sex with girls.
Yes, he was straight. It was one of those moments where we go, "Damn, he's stunning but straight". He was bragging about the girls he's fucked and he even went as far as, "once you've fucked a Brazilian girl, no girls can top that". And quite obviously, he has.
On the first night, whilst in bed and feeling kinda drunk he asked from the other side of the room if I was gay. By now, I was quite used to his wicked sense of humour. He can be mean at times so I just said, "You're gay. Go to sleep". He was slurring, laughing and making mean jokes that I was gay. I just ignored him and soon, we both were asleep.
On the third day, we had the day off and we both decided to train it down to the city to meet the other guys but after lunch we went our own ways. Nathan and I decided to walk around all the tourist attractions and also just randomly around the city. He asked me some of the weirdest questions like if I was gay or not. Initially, I changed the topic but alas, I admitted I was bi and gave him my take on sexuality. He was cool with it.
As the day went on, I just disliked him more and more because I really don't get his mean jokes! He can be mean and rather inappropriate and I totally didn't dig that! It was actually frustrating and I am not a happy camper when I am hungry, tired/sleepy or without coffee - worse if combined. We even stopped talking for a moment but in the end, after a $1 burger at McDonald's and a sundae, we're buddies again. We trained it back and barely made it to opening reception.
After the reception, some of us hit the bar but I have forgotten to bring my passport so I was allowed in but not allowed drinks. Being the rebel that I am, I was stealing drinks when the guard wasn't noticing but who knows there were more than 1 so after chugging nearly a pint, I was kicked out. I walked home with a few friends and went straight to bed. Within 10 mins of being in bed, Nathan burst through the door excitedly with a girl. They both literally dragged me off bed and brought me to a house party down the road. It was a mad party - nude guy, very drunken girls, beer pong, flip cup, keg stand, etc. You get the idea.
It was from that night we became a lot closer. We were both rather loud and have a rather wicked sense of humour. We were both popular but admittedly, he was a lot more popular than I was. Everyone knows that we're both close and some people saw bromance going on between us but we just brush it off. We kept each other updated on our plans, and everyday, after the conference, we would go to parties or dinners together.
It was around the 4th or 5th day that I started realising that I always keep an eye out for him whenever we have break - during the workshops, we usually attend different sessions so I don't see him.
On my second last night in Chicago, we were both drunk and he was lying in my bed. We were both just chatting like usual and giving each other shit. He was lying face down with eyes closed. In a spur of drunken action, I move closer and put my hand on his back. He pushed my hand away, but I would put my hand back - just to give him the shits. I wasn't trying to seduce him or anything - I knew he was straight. We both just enjoy pushing each other's buttons and trying to outdo each other in annoying the other person, and I know how gay-related action can annoy him.
Surprisingly, after a few time trying to push my hand away and giving me the shits and insults, he gave up. And not remembering much details, one thing led on to the other, we then cuddled and kissed. I was so surprised I was out of this world - this is the man I thought was gorgeous and straight! I really didn't want the night to end because I kinda knew it was going to be a one night thing. I was wrong.
From then on, he was incredibly nice to me - very different from his usual mean attitude. He was always within sight and I avoided talking to him all day in case someone suspected anything since we were both already so close. My final night, also the last night of the conference, at the party, he hooked up with a chick and throughout the entire night, he had at least 3 girls literally stuck to him and was all over him - and one persisted in getting him in bed with her. I was glad he didn't entertain that thought. One girl was so persistent it took us nearly an hour to get rid of her and Nathan had to hide in the bathroom.
That night, we just cuddled in bed, tried to soak up as much of each other as possible and just be in the moment - both knowing that this could be the last time we see each other in a long, long time. He was quite upset.
Saying good-bye was the hardest and tearing my eyes off him for the very last time as I walked into the airport and him walking back into the car was absolutely heart-breaking. It wasn't until when I got back to Australia and managed to gather my thought that I realised I might have actually fallen in love with this guy. It was one of those WTF moments - because I have not "fallen in love" with anyone in a rather long time. Mostly, because I don't allow myself to. It was scary because I don't like falling in love. It can make me less productive and it is one of the few things that can tear me to shreds and I hate that. I love being in control and I don't do risky "business".
It's also hard because I am scared of losing him, of him hurting me and I am very scared of ruining our friendship. But so far, he has been one of the best person in my life at the moment. He makes me feel special - actually, very very special. He has his ways of making my day better and he'd tell me things as it is, something that I appreciated very muchly. He tells me he loves me, he tells me when he's not happy and he'll tell me his honest opinions when I ask him. He a very special boy to me. I know its hard for him struggling to work out what this feelings mean to him - especially feeling for a guy.
Since then, we both continue to email daily and Skype as much as we can. We try arranging to see each other soon but nothing is secured yet. So yeah, now this post would make sense if you were wondering what it was about.
- I am the first guy he's hooked up with amongst the many many girls he's hooked up with, including his Brazilian sex goddess.
- I broke up with my boyfriend. It was mutual and we were both heading different ways - he's heading back to America, I want to stay here for now. And in terms of life endeavours as well, we both have different opinions.