Friday, July 30, 2010

Wow.. Just Wow

Mr Crush told me about Charlie St Cloud and we've decided to go see it together when its in the theatre. I went to check the trailer out and my jaw dropped, my eyes teared up and my heart stopped beating for a few milliseconds.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I'm an Optimist

I am an optimist.

I believe in the saying, "Change what you can change, accept what you can't and be wise enough to know the difference." I don't spend my sweet time grieving. If I think something shouldn't be the way it is, boy, as nice as I am, I will do almost anything to fix the injustice. If its something that's completely out of my control, I will find my way around it and do what I can given the situation.

The thing about life is, its easy for us to be disillusioned into thinking that life will work the way we want it to be. If we choose a path, stick to it and be a nice person a long the way, things will work out just the way we expect it to be. We forget about the dynamic of life and we forget that the whole point about being human is that its not perfect.

I learned this the hard way.

If things were meant to be the way it should be, I will be in my second year Graduate Entry Medicine/Surgery Program, my best friend who is one of the nicest persons in the world will still be here and I will not be blogging because I will be completely out of the closet. There will be world peace and all the 72 million children around the world with no access to basic education will be in school. But alas, I'm here doing a postgrad in Education and my best mate is as dead as he can be - never said good-bye nor gave me one last hug.

We get so entrenched by what we believe is the way to go, we look on the path that's cleared to us and never took the leap of faith to take the road least taken, because we're worried about the unknown. Fear takes over us and makes us do and feel stupid things, and fear is exactly what caused wars, social injustice, depression and communism in the first place.

Sure, I have days when I am down and mourn over my loss or disappointment, and these grieving periods are essential for us to move on. Each of us has expectations and everyone of us wants our lives to o the way we want it to be, but things never work out that way. You can wallow in self-pity and feel the pain and loneliness of the disappointment and lost, but at the end of the day, you need to snap out of it, detach yourself from the dark place, told yourself that you've been there and you don't want to be there anymore and move on.

My dear friends, hurting is never easy and we do and think irrational things. But I want to challenge you today to change your life and change the way you think. I am happy because I have went through pain. The pain of losing a brother, a best friend and one of the closest persons in my life who I never got to say good-bye, give him a hug and tell him how much he meant to my life, and I really don't wish anyone has to go through this pain.

Loss reminds us of the present, and that sucks because we have every reason to be happy, to turn things around and to live a purposeful life. The things we have and the things we don't have are merely the physical things that construct around our deep definition of 'life' and being 'alive.

The hottest boy you met, that you have a crush on does not love you, and you can't find a job. That is effing frustrating but at the end of the day, the beauty of being alive is, you get a second chance and you can turn things around. My best friend did not get that chance.

There is nothing in life that's fixed. I was dirt poor, I almost failed high school and I was in the closet for the longest time, but I am living comfortably, graduated from university with three academic awards, top 15% of the whole university and am out to some of my friends. Most of all, I am happy.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sexual Encounters with 'Straight' Men

I had this discussion with Bobby about sexual encounters with straight men and whether that's hot or not. From my personal experience, it really depends. Straight men can be either really enthusiastic and will do anything to satisfy you, or they can be rather inexperienced.

I know some of you will argue that if they fool around with men, they're not straight but I won't go there. For the purpose of this blog, if they identify themselves as straight, and continue to live a "straight" life, they are straight.

I've had sexual experiences with about 5 to 6 straight men now, some of them my friends and most of the others are acquaintances. I used the present tense because they are still acquaintances. One of them is married and has a daughter now, and most of the others have already got a girlfriend or partner.

Nathan was one of these people. :P He identifies himself as straight, but he was attracted to me. Ha! (He also uses the nickname Prince Charming Nathan on this blog). Nathan identifies himself as straight and will lead a straight life, according to him. I am his first and only experience with men so far and we continue to keep in touch as much as we can. We share a trust and a deep relationship, and its nice to know that I have someone that I can trust.

My first sexual encounter with a straight man was a guy from England. We were both quite drunk and he expressed his attractions to me. Mind you, he's got the surfer blonde hair blue eye factor and he's also a really down-to-Earth all around nice guy. It's hard not to be attracted to him. He started trembling because he was really nervous, has never felt this way before and yadda yadda yadda. Soon, we were in bed but let's cut that there. We kept in touch for the longest time, but dropped out of touch about two years ago. I found him on Facebook and he's married with a 9 month old baby!

The second one was a friend who we always joked about being desperate for a girlfriend. He's a ginger and we all know I have a soft spot for gingers. It doesn't help with the fact that he's really cute, and really giving - he's the guy who always pay for the drinks. We got rather drunk one night at a friend's 21st and passed out on the sofa bed. There were 3 of us squeezed on the sofa bed with me in the middle. In the middle of the night, I woke up to find him holding my hands. And then just a few minutes later, he moved my hands to around his body, as if cuddling him to sleep. I whispered and asked him what he was doing and he flipped, but later turned around and apologised but still holding my hand tight. Then he leaned in for a kiss and the rest was history. We didn't do anything much but we did go as far as we could, because there were at least 6 other drunken bodies lying all around the lounge on the floor and other lounges and another semi-dead body next to me.We woke up the next morning as if nothing happened and never spoke about that night since.

When I said I was drunk, I am not fucked up drunk. I never drink to a point where I don't know what I was doing. There are a few more sexual encounters with straight men, but that's story for another day.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Global Boyfriend Quest Finalists

So, I've closed the Global Boyfriend Quest and in total, I received over 500,000 entries, as anticipated. Well, I do sell like hot cakes y'know.

Well, I selected 5 entries as the finalists and here are some funny entries.

Because I'm a nice, outgoing person, who loves to party but also doesn't mind staying at home with friends and hang out or just the loved one and have a nice and cozy evening in front of the fireplace.

Additionally, I can cook you an awesome dinner. No matter if Italian, Spanish or German. You name it! Plus it will be served on a table lit by candle light ;)

Hmm, I'm hardly perfect and I know it, even tho I might not admit it immediately, but that would be mainly to tease you.

I love spoiling the one I love, but never too much. Just those little things in between that show how much I care.

About me, I can be outgoing and love the extreme - maybe an example, theme parks like six flags... love the adrenaline rush - but i can also be a bit of a geek when it comes to things, but I think I keep it in good balance ;)

This guy probably has done a bit of research and stalking because the last paragraph very much describe me and I think I've written that quite a few times at quite a few places. :P

Because I'm caring, intelligent, and will listen. Also, having a "pocket doctor" isn't so bad, is it? :-P

Lol. Dude, that's not enough! It cannot be all about you! :P

Aaron Smith
im a trk driver so i think i have the masculine thing down. also i know how to treat my man. (key word there man no princesses for me lol) i think i have a great sense of humour and i enjoy intelligent debate and know when to call it an agree to disagree situation. i have enough experience to be an adult about things but the heart to be a kid. meh lets see what you think

Sounds like the perfect guy to me. :)

idk. i dont actually know why im applying for this cos i don't know you personally. but i just finished listening on your voice blog and im stucked here listening to it over and over again.

a wise person once told me, it's not gonna be everyday that someone will amaze you, and if one day you meet that certain someone, never let them go.

so im here, tryin out. lol

love and light <3

Can we have a collective "awww..". This guy has got potential, and definitely got my attention! :)

I am not posting his entry because its bloody disgusting! :P

And lastly, probably the funniest one... and one of the first few I received:
Cuz I'm hung like a hor..... oh nevermind. :)

Look up male model in the dictionary, there's a picture of me. Fact. Go do it. Actually stand up and go see! Believe me yet?

Now that we've got that sorted out, my personality is amazing. I mean, I'm grounded, generous, very modest, and lovable. Damn am I lovable. Just the cutest little thing you've ever seen.

My ex-girlfriend says that I'm a great lover... and I mean coming from her that means a lot, cuz I wasn't even tryin!

But seriously, mail me a postcard sometime. 1 Canada Road, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. HOH OHO*

(*santa's real postal code)

Lameeeeeeeeeeeeee! :P

Now, to all the finalists, your last step is to send in a picture or two of yourself for my consideration. I will contact the top 3 for a video chat over Skype and then I'll decide the winner.

Email: beautifoolchaos [at]

Monday, July 19, 2010

Being on the Other Side

I met a guy a few weeks ago.
He's in the same uni as me, and is in his final year of an Engineering degree.
He's smart and really successful at what he does.

We met up one day, had coffee and had a really long chat.
It was really good and we actually met up a few times since.

The thing is, he's really geeky which is kinda cool but I can't stand geeky overload.
I'm more of a crazy ass person who enjoys sarcasm and dry jokes.
Anyway, I never thought there is anything going on and was really just hanging out as friends until one day I got an email from him expressing his feelings towards me.

I feel kinda bad but I had to say no.
It's difficult but I told him how I felt and how its just not the right time for me either.
He's cool about it. Apparently.

I hope.

Monday, July 12, 2010

I Can Be Your Hero, Baby

I can kiss away the pain .. oh yeah!

OK, next in the series of questions is, "Who is your living hero?"

To be honest, I used to adore people like Nelson Mandela and Mother Theresa, but lately, I don't really have a living hero because I keep constantly get inspired by people everywhere! Working in social innovation, I get exposed to some of the most innovative and highly intelligent people who do absolutely amazing things, so I don't think I have a living hero that stays with me for long.

I know, I didn't really answer the question, but there really isn't an answer. Sorry.

For those uninitiated, I open up this blog to my readers, like yourself, to ask me questions or what you want me to post about - all you need to do is to fill it in the form on the sidebar and submit it. I will post them as soon as I can.


The Global Boyfriend Quest is still open, so go put in your application if you're eligible and want a piece of me. You wouldn't regret it.

Impress me with your best pick-up line. You might just get a prize!

If you're just as naff as a cow, please spare me and do not write anything for God's sake. He's watching.


It's funny how people can misunderstand the joke / prank I played with Taylor a few days back. For those who have a problem with that, stop abusing the poor boy. If you have a problem, bring it to me. Send me an email, rant your heart out and stop being a douche by leaving nasty comments on that boy's blog.

It's merely a prank like one of those phonecall prank - not making fun of anyone or anything.


My presentation at the conference went really well although I was a tad sleepy. I was asked to host a workshop on Thursday, so that, I did and then I was asked to join them at the closing ceremony dinner. I did that and probably had one too many wines. I also met some really interesting people, including two guys who kept talking to me, although I am not complaining cos they were ridiculously hilarious. Got home at midnight, pass out and got up at 3am to put together my presentation.

Awkward moment came when the MC invited all keynote speakers to stand and receive their applause. I was asked to stand as well and I was not only the youngest one standing, but the only one who didn't have a suit and full-on bow tie on. Bloody embarrassing. So, in the midst of all these mid-life (all of them were at least in their 50s) men and women, who are Professors and PhDs from all across the world, there I was, a tiny, casual-looking young man.

The good thing about being a keynote speaker is they get you want you want, so they paid for all my cab charges the entire conference, and I have access to the green room with free flow coffee, alcohol and food. Mmmm.. Oh, and a lady who makes sure that I have a glass of water near the computer when I speak - that's just my routine.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Juggling Like a Rockstar

I've got a massive presentation to prepare because I found out that a panel I was supposed to present is now changed to a plenary session.

This means that instead of a 15 mins presentation, its now a 45 mins presentation, and rather than expected 30 delegates, I will be addressing 800. This is a massive pain in the butt because I keep cracking my head thinking what do I want to present to inspire these people. Plenary means I can't regurgitate - I need new stuff. And its an international conference, so they're going to screw my virgin butt.

Uni has also begun and I am not enjoying it at all. I've got assignments to do, class to attend, research to do and a bloody massive presentation to prepare. I'm also using prezi so I'm still learning how to use it!

On another note, I am glad all of you have a good sense of humour re my previous post, except one person who was offended because he has feelings for me. He avoided conversations with me and if you're reading this, I am still waiting to hear from you again and have a proper conversation.

On another note, Mr Shameless-Prince-So-Not-Charming aka Nathan put in an application for the Boyfriend Quest and its disgusting! Bastard.

I actually do miss him.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Secret Revealed: The Truth Behind the Lie

I think its about time I reveal that the previous post and the post on Taylor's blog is actually a prank that Taylor and I decided to play on our readers. :P I mean, Taylor is a pretty shit liar (as evident on his blog) and if you read his post again, you will pick up a lot of hints that this is a lie, e.g. there is no way he is flying his teeny winny aircraft over here).


I know some of you would be pretty offended and angry at us for playing this prank but I hope you guys would also see the joke behind it and realised that boys just wanna have fuh-un...

The idea was born out of a really quick email actually. We were talking about the joke in my Boyfriend Quest and then it came to me that maybe we should play a prank together since we both share a pretty common sense of humour. Although I do wish Taylor is a my boyfriend, he is quite a mean poohead who sends me temptations rather than proper emails *coughs*. (I joke)

Jokes aside though, distance relationship is definitely not a topic of a joke and I do mean this and speak with respect to those who are doing it tough all in the name of love - off the top of my head Village Boy, Phunk Factor and Jon.

Distance relationship is a testament of love and of honour, loyalty and trust. Beyond all that, there is also an underlying deep meaning to these courageous men who are doing it because they prove to the world that gay relationship is just as genuine, as pure and as REAL as any other kind of relationship.

There are many things to be envious about in love, especially when you don't have it (like ME!) but at the same time, there are many things that are not very enviable about long distance relationship - especially on a cold, wet night, feeling down and all you want to do is curl up into someone's arm. They're there, but not really there. This is just one example why I have a whole load of respect for these men who had to take this path all in the name of pure love and devotion.

I hope that jokes and anger aside, you all should be happy that Taylor is still in the market (all profits go to me, of course) and send some love to these young men who are in distance relationship. :)

If you are offended by this prank, send your abusive email to me. I can take it like a bulletproof vest. ;) Otherwise, send your love to me or fill in my Boyfriend Quest Application. I've already got 565,342 applications so far - always looking for more so keep them coming.

Lots of love to you boys - Village Boy, Phunk Factor and Jon. If you are also in a long distance relationship, please comment and share with us your story. :)
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