Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Beauty of Having a Significant Other

Regardless of how many times I've done this before, bidding goodbye to a city that I have grown fond of is still not getting any easier. This will be my 5th time moving to a different city, 5th time bidding goodbye to a group of familiar friends and love ones that I have grown used to and love.

It doesn't make it easier this time that I have a significant other.

When this relationship first started, I had doubts for at least 3 days whether I did the right thing or not even though I was the one who initiated the relationship. Then over the months, we grow to become used to each other - from the smell to the kiss, the touch to the cuddle.

Last night as we drove along the highway, past the city, I stare at the passing lights reflecting on all the memorable moments we had together - the first time he introduced me to his friends, the first time I introduced him to my friends, the first time he introduced me to his colleague, the first time we held hands, the time we shared stories of our past, the times we cuddled, the times we spent all night listening to Disney songs.


It's hard to describe but every time we are together, he gives me a sense of pride and a sense of gratefulness. The relationship feels so natural that sometimes I feel that its wrong - we grew to become used to each other so quickly. Don't get me wrong, I am not thinking that its a bad thing. Our relationship is not perfect either, we have both been grumpy at each other but we both also know what to say and not to say when either or us is grumpy thus we never make a drama out of it - plus, when either of us is grumpy, we usually tell each other. Usually our grumpyness is induced by either lack of food or sleep and that's usually very quickly fixed. 

He has an outer layer which he believes is real, and its not a very pretty outer layer - arrogant, vain, self-centred and emotionless - and he'd shamelessly agree to them! Then when you spend enough time with him, you'd start picking up on his actions contradicting his words. The things he does and the things he would do, contradicts with the exterior of who he thinks he is.

His honesty, genuine compassion for others especially those who struggle with their sexuality or family issues, willingness to help his friends or just people around him in general - sometimes I wonder if that's more beautiful or the fact that he doesn't realised these are nice things to do make it more beautiful.

Six more days for us to enjoy each other's company and make the most of the time we have left together. It will be interesting to see what happens from then onwards, being each other's ex-partners; but whatever it is, I believe we've both brought up the best in each other and we've both become better people because of each other.

This relationship has been everything plus beautiful, and I think came at the right time in both our lives, making us both better humans because of it. I sure am going to miss this relationship a whole lot, but more so, him.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Accidental Partner

"I feel lonely and I need a boy" says this guy sitting next to us at the club.

"You need to stop looking. It usually happens only when you're not looking," replied Lachlan.

And is he right or what. After breaking up with Clinton, I wasn't really keen to be in a relationship at least for a while.

Then 2 weeks before Troy came, I met up with Lachlan for coffee. A week and a half and several meetings later, we're still seeing each other.

Then came the coincidental incident of his friend John visiting him for a week, and Troy visiting me in the last few days that John was here. We didn't see each other for a few days, although I did meet John and Lachlan did meet Troy. Right after Troy left, we caught up and decided that we'll make our relationship official at least for until when I leave at the end of this month.

It's been a month now, and everything is going well so far. I've met some of his friends and he's met some of mine. He's met my housemates and they know him well now.

Everything seems natural, and I find a sense of comfort and trust with this boy, thankfully. I don't think we both put in much effort into this relationship, but everything seem to just work for whatever reason. He works full time, so we see each other on his lunch break or after work, almost 5 days a week - I wasn't overly comfortable with the idea initially, but surprisingly, we haven't got sick of each other yet.

He has a pretty big ego, he's not at all romantic and sometimes, however rarely, he slips into his cave of blankness where you can't read him and he becomes quiet. However I do realise now, those are the times when he needs his own little space or he's tired. Give him an hour or two and he'll be back to himself again.

It's the tiny thing he does that I find comfort in. Like the fact that he'll be honest with me about everything, he'll reach over and give my hand a squeeze every now and then wherever we are, and the fact that everything just seems effortless. Of course, there's the added bonus that he gives good cuddles and is very cuddle-able.

2 more weeks (14 days) and we bid each other adieu. We'll see how that goes.

Mr Crush thinks that I shouldn't trust him until we've spent at least a night together. For some reason, Lachlan isn't comfortable with the idea of spending a night together - I am not sure why. Hmm.. We'll see.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


By the time I got there, he's crossed the street outside Central train station.

I haven't seen Troy for about a month and a half, but we've spoken so often over the phone that it felt like we have nothing to catch up on.

He's just flown in from Tasmania and it was pouring down rain, but it stopped long enough for us to get to the riverbank for some wine and dine. The rain continued to pour but we sit comfortably in the restaurant sipping our wine, taking in the beautiful view and sharing our beautiful seafood feast.

We cuddled in bed and spent 4 days just doing nothing and everything. It was all fun and games until it was time for him to go.

Sitting on the bench at the train platform, we spoke about our past and our futures, since we know our present all so well. We spoke about our fears and our darkest secrets, and we shared about our childhood dreams.

On the train to the airport, after a brief moment of silence, I broke the silence and told him my feelings for him. He turned to me, looked me straight in the eyes, took my hands and said the same thing.

At that moment, life was perfect. An almost empty train, a pair of familiar hands holding mine as we traveled through the darkness of the train tunnel.

Coming home to an empty bed where he slept for a week, where we cuddled, was actually more painful than I thought. Our lives move on in parallel. Perhaps, we might meet again somewhere in the middle. Or perhaps, not.
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